The Ascent To Heaven
To bgein, I would elaborate on the uncles death and give more of a background into Yudishtira's grief. I think that these "omens" could have a more engaging introduction. I will give little anecdotes about the bird, wind etc. It might be interesting to tell the story in first person as someone sees the strange things happening. Moving on, I would shorten and simplify the rest of the story. I would expedite some of the in between information in order to keep the reader engaged.
To bgein, I would elaborate on the uncles death and give more of a background into Yudishtira's grief. I think that these "omens" could have a more engaging introduction. I will give little anecdotes about the bird, wind etc. It might be interesting to tell the story in first person as someone sees the strange things happening. Moving on, I would shorten and simplify the rest of the story. I would expedite some of the in between information in order to keep the reader engaged.
(Clouds. Taken from maxpixel.)
Seegar. The Five Brothers
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