Hey Jessie! Your project looks like it is progressing pretty well for where we are in the semester. Your Site Layout: You have kept it simple, which is good, but a nice cover picture on the first page of the site might draw more people in or help people who visit get a better idea of what your website is all about. You could also use a good title for your website because "Indian Epics Portfolio" won't draw people's attention or differentiate your project from the rest of the classes'. (I assume you are already working on this, but may not have come up with a working title yet, just thought I'd mention it.)
Your first story: Your story is well broken up into easy to read lines for dialogue and switching between character perspectives. It's pretty solid so far but it could use a little more here and there to make it feel longer and more detailed.
I like your story it was straight forward and you have made story in first person point view. It points out all the detail of the character and what they are doing and it is really nice. You should have made story more interesting by making it longer and giving more detail and how the life that are living in the water like fish and other felt, or you could have showed more conversation between fish and crane. Though I like the part of the where crane put back the crab in the water and with the clipping motion he left. Your website should have more color and it should look like a nice website and not like empty site. More colorful will bring more attention the viewer. I really like the story and I will look forward to read the story in the future with much more detailed and interesting points.
I thought your choice to focus the story in a first person perspective was pretty interesting. All of the tales we read in class are all in third person, so it's refreshing to read a story that's in a different point of view. I think the story could have been a little longer, with maybe a little more elaboration over what was provided in the original tale, but I still really liked it.
As for your website, it is fine how it is but I think it could use a little color to make everything pop and to make it overall more interesting to look at. The more bland a webpage is, the less interested a reader is going to be in the contents, so if you spice things up you can keep the readers more engaged and reading more.
Lastly, I just wanted to say that I loved the image you found for the crab! That little guy is adorable.
Hi Jessie! I fell upon your portfolio in the randomizer, and I am very glad I did! I am also writing a portfolio, so I like to see how others are interpreting their project and bringing it to life.
I had read your first story, How The Crab Won, back when you had posted your story. I really liked how you expanded on your original plot! It was very creative and exciting to read.
However, I spent more time reading your second story, Sita's Story. It starts out strong with eloquent language and beautiful imagery. I was drawn in immediately! Continue to use this, because I can tell that writing with beautiful words is a strength of yours. Your use of dialogue was WONDERFUL! Also, your author's note was thoughtful and thorough. Many author's notes I have read have not contributed much to their portfolio, but yours was fantastic! Keep up the great work!
Hi Jessie! I really like your story about the crab. It is very similar to the original story about the turtle and I really appreciate that. I almost teared up when I realized that the crab was going to kill the crane and he did! That is insane. I love how you inverted the story and had the carrier die instead of the carrying. That small inversion in the story affects the whole meaning as well of the tale! It is almost as if you are saying to NOT trick people because sometimes people are more lever and cunning than you think they are and they are capable of killing you. I also love how there is a twist where the crab realized that he messed up, but then the crane just as well realized that he messed up. It's almost like saying you cannot trust anybody and I really appreciate that!
Thanks for sharing your story! I look forward to reading more!
Hey Jessie I really enjoyed reading your first story. I like how in the beginning of the story it was a back ground like of reading. then you switched and went to a dialogue type of story. The storyline behind this seem like the more I read the better the story got. I do not see no typo's or bad sentence structure, I like how well the story was set up. And you based this story off the Crane lying and betraying the fish just to eat them. I think the crab story was a good one. The page was set up pretty nice too, I always enjoy reading stories and they're animal related. animals are my passion so when I read stories that deal with them I get excited.
Hi Jessie! I remember reading your Crane and Crab story earlier in the semester and thought I might check out your portfolio to see how it was coming! I like how you organized the story and made it very dialogue-heavy. The image of the crab that you used was also great! I like how the images in your stories are large and at the bottom of the posts. I also read your story with Sita and also liked how there was a lot of dialogue and how you took the liberty of changing perspectives in the story, really nice job on that! I look forward to seeing how this portfolio progresses.
I love the picture you used for Sita's Story! It is truly beautiful and shows the marriage of Rama and Sita. In terms of feedforward, I think you could come up with a better caption for this wonderful picture. I also think in the beginning when you are talking about the setting, it might be useful to identify what setting you are referring to, or at least clarifying in the author's note because I was a little confused. I appreciate your use of dialogue in the story. It adds plot and allows readers to read about the interacting characters. I think consistency is a very important aspect of story telling and I think instead of having a couple of long paragraphs, then one-line paragraphs, and then back to long paragraphs, you could try making the length flow more. Anyway, that was a creative story and I wish you good luck with writing more!
Nice to meet you Jessie! I have just finished reading your story over Rama and Sita falling in love and wow, it was amazing! I would not be surprised if you write in your free time. You said you wanted to make this story more beautiful and descriptive, well you surely did that. Every sentence had some sort of imagery within it. This made recreating the scene in my head an extremely easy task. Not only that, but for how beautiful both Sita and Rama are supposed to be, their falling in love scene surely did need this spruce up. I wonder how everyone else felt about them? What if there were others who saw these two beautiful people and wanted to ask one of them out? I also very much enjoyed the king Arthur feel the story had. When Rama had to lift the sword to prove his worth to the king. Also you picture was amazing.
Hi Jessie! I'm very impressed by the way you have formatted your website and I have really enjoyed seeing how you embrace simplicity here. I'm a fan of minimalism and I feel like your blog very much resembles that of minimalism. You have a great skill of being able to present imagery really well to the reader and flowing out of the characters and their emotions. Thank you for sharing your work with me and I'm looking forward to hearing more from you! Have a wonderful week 11!
Hi Jessie! You probably don't recognize me, but I am from the mythology and folklore class.
I enjoyed reading your two stories and seeing how you changed the original forms. While I was reading "How the Crab Won", I liked that you kept it very similar to the original story, but added some dialogue to make the story better. The photo that you included at the end was also very cute. Although it was sad that the crane ate all the crab's friends, at least he was happy in his ending place. In one of your sentences you said "hunger pangs", I'm not sure if you meant hunger pains.
I also enjoyed reading your second story about Sita's Story. After reading you author's note, I liked that you stepped out of your comfort zone and picked a different way to change the original story. With all the details that you included about the location and dialogue, I think it added to your story. In your author's notes, in the first sentence I think you meant to say than instead of that.
Hey Jessie! I really enjoyed your first story ‘How the crab won’. I like how you kept the storyline the same because the original story was good to start with. I enjoyed how you made all the characters more realistic and relatable, it really draws you into the story. I think that if you added a banner to the story, it could make the webpage even better. I also really liked the picture of the crab you picked, he is a cute little crab. In your second story ‘Sita’s Story’, I really liked how you modernized the story a little bit. I also enjoyed the descriptions of all the characters. The scene in the middle was a great addition to the story. I also think that you could add a banner to this story too. It would make the webpage look significantly better. Overall, I enjoyed both of your stories and look forward to reading the next.
Hi Jessie! I am from the Myth-Folklore side of the class. I read another Indian-Epics portfolio before this one and she had the same story for her first story! Is that coincidence? It was interesting how different the two stories actually were from each other. While you stayed close to the story, she changed in completely, painting the crane in an innocent light. Both are great versions of the story, however. You did a great job giving that little crab some personality. I personally like that the crab took revenge on the crane. I figured she was going to let it go, but then *snip*. It was awesome! Your second story is beautiful. The imagery is amazing and I am glad to see that it is a story of true love despite the arranged marriage aspect. You said you tried to amp up the imagery, and you did a great job.
Hi Jessie! I really liked your first story, I thought it was very well written and that your dialogue flowed seamlessly. I really got an idea of the personalities of all the characters involved, and I thought the level of detail that you brought to the story was quite good. I also really enjoyed the image you put with it, it was so vivid! I just read this story on another portfolio so it was really interesting to see it from a different point of view. I also really enjoyed the detail in your second story as well. I am in the myth-folklore class now, but I took the India epics course years ago. I loooove Sita, and it was lovely to hear a retelling of this happy day again. I have some issues with how Rama treats her after she comes back from being captured, but at this point you describe their relationship perfectly. Great job!
Hey Jessie! Great work with your first two stories. I really like that you rely on dialogue in your stories. I think your interpretation of the Cunning Crane and the Crab was great. You added just enough detail and changes to make it your own. Your second story was my favorite. I loved reading the story from Sita's perspective. It was nice to see that she was rooting for Rama the whole time. Maybe you could add in somewhere a prayer or something where she asks the gods to give Rama the strength to win, that way it gives her a more active role in the situation. A couple of times you wrote "Princes" instead of "Princess," which may just be attributed to autocorrect. But this is a super easy fix. Other than that I didn’t see any errors or anything I would change. Great work! These are both great stories! I look forward to see how your portfolio comes together.
Hello Jessie! Good job on your portfolio! I really love the overall layout of the site, along with the interesting pictures! The site is really easy to navigate and the simplicity of it makes it really cool! You did a great job on your stories, especially because of the dialogue. I know a lot of people have trouble including dialogue, including myself. It just livens up the stories and keeps readers more engaged! Your story about the Crane and the Crab was unique but similar to the original at the same time which was some thing I liked. There are a few typos in your site but its nothing major and a quick Grammarly check will resolve the issue! Great job on your portfolio, again. I look forward to reading some more of your work! I hope you have a great day!
Hi Jessie great job on your portfolio so far. You have done a great job of taking the stories and making them your own. However, you still keep to the same premise as the originals so it makes them easier to read. I really like how your first story changes to be more focused on the crab. It's less about how the crane killed the fish, and so it's more fun to read from the Crab's perspective. The second story definitely changes a lot from the original which makes it seem like a different story entirely. However, the original characters are used, so I was not confused while reading it. For the next stories, I would recommend telling them similar to how you told the second story. It changed a lot, but reading an almost new story is very interesting. Great job on your portfolio so far I look forward to reading more.
Your project seems to be coming together nicely. It is easy to navigate and easy to follow. It kept me engaged and made me want to keep reading. Great job on that!
Your stories are very good as well. I like the difference you have in each of your stories. It gives your project a variety. Many options for the reader to have. I did see a few grammatical errors, but that can be fixed by simply re reading each story. Overall the stories are great and unique!
The only thing that I would suggest is to maybe take out some of the extra space that is in some of your stories. I think it would make it easier to read. Also, I think it may help to add some color to your stories like a background or something.
Your project looks good overall and I am looking forward to seeing the finished product!
Your project is really coming along. I enjoy your layout, as well as the pictures you include within. They rally help to engage and advance the stories. You have provided a great variety of story types within your project making it more o fa joy to read. One of my favorite parts of your stories was the great dialogue between the characters. Their conversations flowed very nicely, and felt as if it were transcribed directly from a real conversation.
Hello again Jessie! I really like the way you have written your additional stories, when I first visited you just had the crab story. Your retelling of Rama and Sita falling in love was really well done. I liked that you shifted the setting to be more of a castles and medieval setting. It made the whole story feel more like a Disney movie which is pretty fitting. I thought your writing was excellent, and there is a pleasant amount of both imagery and dialogue to go along with the story. It can be hard to balance those two, but if you do it right like you have, you can make some really excellent stories to read. The only thing I can think to change is the text on your stories is a little small, and it would make reading the stories easier if the font was just a bit larger.
Hi Jessie! I really like the choices you've made in designing your site. The font is nice, and the way it's spaced out makes it very easy to read.
Adding more description and dialogue to the original piece in "The Sandy Road" made it much more relatable. Reading the character's own words instead of just an narrator's rehashing of the events made them feel more real and connected to me. I know you mention that Sam always "carried the perfect amount of food supplies," but I wonder if the other people in the caravan might have had some misgivings about dumping their supplies. If they did that could be an opportunity to add more dialogue to get to know more characters.
In "How the Crab Won" I like that you added a relationship between the crab and the fish. That makes it even sadder that the crab left all alone after losing all the fish friends she cared for in her old home.
I really like how laid back your first story is. It's an easy read and entertaining! The only suggestion I have on it is to expand your author's note to include what happened in the original story. Were they animals and you changed them to humans? I was a bit confused because the stories I've read from the Tales are usually animals. I love the second story! I usually read this story where the crab is a male, so it was nice to have a change in your story. I felt so sorry for the crab when all her friends were gone. I think it was a great touch to add at the beginning of the story what kind of activities they all did together, because it really contrasted and made it more emotional. Your third story has fantastic dialogue and descriptions! I could really visualize the scene and the characters. You had a lot of alliteration (decadently designed, danced until daybreak) and I loved it! Overall, great stories. I hope you have a good rest of the semester!
Hey, Jessie, I really like the layout and design of your website. It's super easy to navigate and the pictures compliment the stories perfectly. I really liked that you added dialogue to the stories and worked on giving each character more of a personality. It works really well and helps the reader connect with your characters. I especially like some of the changes you made to your stories that differ from the source material like the crab being a female and making the setting of "Sita's Story" almost fairytale-like. The only real revision suggestions I have would be to possibly expand your stories, especially "The Sandy Road," as they are a little on the short side. Aside from that, the stories are well written and entertaining to read. The other suggestion I have would be to add a little bit more about the source stories to your author's note. Maybe try adding a little bit more summary of the source stories. Anyway, well done!
Hey there, Jessie! This is my first time checking out your portfolio page. It was nice to have the opportunity to look at something new this week. My first impressions with the website were good. The website is very clean and it is not difficult to navigate. I decided to focus my comments on your latest story because this is probably the only one you are editing. I immediately recognized the story that you had based yours upon. I wrote about this as well during one of my storytelling assignments. I thought you did a great job capturing the important moments and placing emphasis on using descriptive details. I also thought you did a great job adding in your own personal voice and touch to the story. The only thing that I noticed was that the background image did not appear on your last two stories. Other than that, I would not make any changes. Keep up the good work.
Hello Jessie. I really like what you have done with your project. One of the first things I noticed was how much I liked your writing style. It flowed really well and seemed really playful. My favorite story was "How the crab won". I have read a lot of different version of this story and they are all really unique. I would have liked to see you make it more of your own. You did a really good job at adding dialogue and character to the animals. It would be even better if you expanded more with the fish. Seeing them leave and interact from the crabs perspective would be a great touch. Despite this I do appreciate how short and to the point that your stories are. It would also be neat to see more pictures. Overall great work and I am looking forward to seeing the final product.
Hey Jessie! Great job with your portfolio, it looks awesome! The third story was particularly fun to read. I love how you switched perspectives so that it was a little more exciting and we could hear where both of the characters were coming from. I love the way you added dialogue for your first story. With the sassy comments, I definitely get what you're trying to do with this story. I think to really achieve the lightness of tone and make this funny, I think it would be cool to add in some background and detailed relationships between the characters. Maybe one owes the other 10 bucks and brings it up every other minute even though they're about to die of hunger. Just more character details could really bring this story to the next level! This is a small critique, but the last paragraph of your third story, you may want to avoid starting the last two sentences with "And". One can start with that, you just may want to vary it, especially since that's the last thing your audience reads! But great work overall!
Hey Jessie, and good job on your portfolio! I like that your layout is very clean and uniform. One thing I might suggest, however, is that you add some more individualized headings for each story. For instance, if you had a specific header for the the royal wedding story and another for the crabs story. I think you did a great job retelling your stories. I especially liked the way you used dialogue throughout the stories. I think this gives the reader a very clear connection to the characters and gives the characters a specific personality. Also, I really like the descriptive language you used for "Sita's Story." I think it gave a really great beginning and ending to the story. The vivid language you used also set a good tone for the rest of the story and I was really immersed by this. Great job on the portfolio and good luck with the rest of your semester!
Hey Jessie!
ReplyDeleteYour project looks like it is progressing pretty well for where we are in the semester.
Your Site Layout:
You have kept it simple, which is good, but a nice cover picture on the first page of the site might draw more people in or help people who visit get a better idea of what your website is all about.
You could also use a good title for your website because "Indian Epics Portfolio" won't draw people's attention or differentiate your project from the rest of the classes'. (I assume you are already working on this, but may not have come up with a working title yet, just thought I'd mention it.)
Your first story:
Your story is well broken up into easy to read lines for dialogue and switching between character perspectives.
It's pretty solid so far but it could use a little more here and there to make it feel longer and more detailed.
Hello Jessie!
ReplyDeleteI like your story it was straight forward and you have made story in first person point view. It points out all the detail of the character and what they are doing and it is really nice. You should have made story more interesting by making it longer and giving more detail and how the life that are living in the water like fish and other felt, or you could have showed more conversation between fish and crane. Though I like the part of the where crane put back the crab in the water and with the clipping motion he left.
Your website should have more color and it should look like a nice website and not like empty site. More colorful will bring more attention the viewer. I really like the story and I will look forward to read the story in the future with much more detailed and interesting points.
Hey Jessie!
ReplyDeleteI thought your choice to focus the story in a first person perspective was pretty interesting. All of the tales we read in class are all in third person, so it's refreshing to read a story that's in a different point of view. I think the story could have been a little longer, with maybe a little more elaboration over what was provided in the original tale, but I still really liked it.
As for your website, it is fine how it is but I think it could use a little color to make everything pop and to make it overall more interesting to look at. The more bland a webpage is, the less interested a reader is going to be in the contents, so if you spice things up you can keep the readers more engaged and reading more.
Lastly, I just wanted to say that I loved the image you found for the crab! That little guy is adorable.
Hi Jessie!
ReplyDeleteI fell upon your portfolio in the randomizer, and I am very glad I did! I am also writing a portfolio, so I like to see how others are interpreting their project and bringing it to life.
I had read your first story, How The Crab Won, back when you had posted your story. I really liked how you expanded on your original plot! It was very creative and exciting to read.
However, I spent more time reading your second story, Sita's Story. It starts out strong with eloquent language and beautiful imagery. I was drawn in immediately! Continue to use this, because I can tell that writing with beautiful words is a strength of yours. Your use of dialogue was WONDERFUL! Also, your author's note was thoughtful and thorough. Many author's notes I have read have not contributed much to their portfolio, but yours was fantastic! Keep up the great work!
Hi Jessie!
ReplyDeleteI really like your story about the crab. It is very similar to the original story about the turtle and I really appreciate that. I almost teared up when I realized that the crab was going to kill the crane and he did! That is insane. I love how you inverted the story and had the carrier die instead of the carrying. That small inversion in the story affects the whole meaning as well of the tale! It is almost as if you are saying to NOT trick people because sometimes people are more lever and cunning than you think they are and they are capable of killing you. I also love how there is a twist where the crab realized that he messed up, but then the crane just as well realized that he messed up. It's almost like saying you cannot trust anybody and I really appreciate that!
Thanks for sharing your story! I look forward to reading more!
Hey Jessie
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your first story. I like how in the beginning of the story it was a back ground like of reading. then you switched and went to a dialogue type of story. The storyline behind this seem like the more I read the better the story got. I do not see no typo's or bad sentence structure, I like how well the story was set up. And you based this story off the Crane lying and betraying the fish just to eat them. I think the crab story was a good one. The page was set up pretty nice too, I always enjoy reading stories and they're animal related. animals are my passion so when I read stories that deal with them I get excited.
Hi Jessie! I remember reading your Crane and Crab story earlier in the semester and thought I might check out your portfolio to see how it was coming! I like how you organized the story and made it very dialogue-heavy. The image of the crab that you used was also great! I like how the images in your stories are large and at the bottom of the posts. I also read your story with Sita and also liked how there was a lot of dialogue and how you took the liberty of changing perspectives in the story, really nice job on that! I look forward to seeing how this portfolio progresses.
ReplyDeleteHello Jessie!
ReplyDeleteI love the picture you used for Sita's Story! It is truly beautiful and shows the marriage of Rama and Sita. In terms of feedforward, I think you could come up with a better caption for this wonderful picture. I also think in the beginning when you are talking about the setting, it might be useful to identify what setting you are referring to, or at least clarifying in the author's note because I was a little confused. I appreciate your use of dialogue in the story. It adds plot and allows readers to read about the interacting characters. I think consistency is a very important aspect of story telling and I think instead of having a couple of long paragraphs, then one-line paragraphs, and then back to long paragraphs, you could try making the length flow more. Anyway, that was a creative story and I wish you good luck with writing more!
Nice to meet you Jessie!
ReplyDeleteI have just finished reading your story over Rama and Sita falling in love and wow, it was amazing! I would not be surprised if you write in your free time. You said you wanted to make this story more beautiful and descriptive, well you surely did that. Every sentence had some sort of imagery within it. This made recreating the scene in my head an extremely easy task. Not only that, but for how beautiful both Sita and Rama are supposed to be, their falling in love scene surely did need this spruce up. I wonder how everyone else felt about them? What if there were others who saw these two beautiful people and wanted to ask one of them out? I also very much enjoyed the king Arthur feel the story had. When Rama had to lift the sword to prove his worth to the king. Also you picture was amazing.
Hi Jessie! I'm very impressed by the way you have formatted your website and I have really enjoyed seeing how you embrace simplicity here. I'm a fan of minimalism and I feel like your blog very much resembles that of minimalism. You have a great skill of being able to present imagery really well to the reader and flowing out of the characters and their emotions. Thank you for sharing your work with me and I'm looking forward to hearing more from you! Have a wonderful week 11!
ReplyDeleteHi Jessie! You probably don't recognize me, but I am from the mythology and folklore class.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your two stories and seeing how you changed the original forms. While I was reading "How the Crab Won", I liked that you kept it very similar to the original story, but added some dialogue to make the story better. The photo that you included at the end was also very cute. Although it was sad that the crane ate all the crab's friends, at least he was happy in his ending place. In one of your sentences you said "hunger pangs", I'm not sure if you meant hunger pains.
I also enjoyed reading your second story about Sita's Story. After reading you author's note, I liked that you stepped out of your comfort zone and picked a different way to change the original story. With all the details that you included about the location and dialogue, I think it added to your story. In your author's notes, in the first sentence I think you meant to say than instead of that.
Hey Jessie! I really enjoyed your first story ‘How the crab won’. I like how you kept the storyline the same because the original story was good to start with. I enjoyed how you made all the characters more realistic and relatable, it really draws you into the story. I think that if you added a banner to the story, it could make the webpage even better. I also really liked the picture of the crab you picked, he is a cute little crab. In your second story ‘Sita’s Story’, I really liked how you modernized the story a little bit. I also enjoyed the descriptions of all the characters. The scene in the middle was a great addition to the story. I also think that you could add a banner to this story too. It would make the webpage look significantly better. Overall, I enjoyed both of your stories and look forward to reading the next.
ReplyDeleteHi Jessie! I am from the Myth-Folklore side of the class. I read another Indian-Epics portfolio before this one and she had the same story for her first story! Is that coincidence? It was interesting how different the two stories actually were from each other. While you stayed close to the story, she changed in completely, painting the crane in an innocent light. Both are great versions of the story, however. You did a great job giving that little crab some personality. I personally like that the crab took revenge on the crane. I figured she was going to let it go, but then *snip*. It was awesome! Your second story is beautiful. The imagery is amazing and I am glad to see that it is a story of true love despite the arranged marriage aspect. You said you tried to amp up the imagery, and you did a great job.
ReplyDeleteHi Jessie! I really liked your first story, I thought it was very well written and that your dialogue flowed seamlessly. I really got an idea of the personalities of all the characters involved, and I thought the level of detail that you brought to the story was quite good. I also really enjoyed the image you put with it, it was so vivid! I just read this story on another portfolio so it was really interesting to see it from a different point of view. I also really enjoyed the detail in your second story as well. I am in the myth-folklore class now, but I took the India epics course years ago. I loooove Sita, and it was lovely to hear a retelling of this happy day again. I have some issues with how Rama treats her after she comes back from being captured, but at this point you describe their relationship perfectly. Great job!
ReplyDeleteHey Jessie!
ReplyDeleteGreat work with your first two stories. I really like that you rely on dialogue in your stories. I think your interpretation of the Cunning Crane and the Crab was great. You added just enough detail and changes to make it your own. Your second story was my favorite. I loved reading the story from Sita's perspective. It was nice to see that she was rooting for Rama the whole time. Maybe you could add in somewhere a prayer or something where she asks the gods to give Rama the strength to win, that way it gives her a more active role in the situation. A couple of times you wrote "Princes" instead of "Princess," which may just be attributed to autocorrect. But this is a super easy fix. Other than that I didn’t see any errors or anything I would change. Great work! These are both great stories! I look forward to see how your portfolio comes together.
Hello Jessie! Good job on your portfolio! I really love the overall layout of the site, along with the interesting pictures! The site is really easy to navigate and the simplicity of it makes it really cool! You did a great job on your stories, especially because of the dialogue. I know a lot of people have trouble including dialogue, including myself. It just livens up the stories and keeps readers more engaged! Your story about the Crane and the Crab was unique but similar to the original at the same time which was some thing I liked. There are a few typos in your site but its nothing major and a quick Grammarly check will resolve the issue! Great job on your portfolio, again. I look forward to reading some more of your work! I hope you have a great day!
ReplyDeleteHi Jessie great job on your portfolio so far. You have done a great job of taking the stories and making them your own. However, you still keep to the same premise as the originals so it makes them easier to read. I really like how your first story changes to be more focused on the crab. It's less about how the crane killed the fish, and so it's more fun to read from the Crab's perspective. The second story definitely changes a lot from the original which makes it seem like a different story entirely. However, the original characters are used, so I was not confused while reading it. For the next stories, I would recommend telling them similar to how you told the second story. It changed a lot, but reading an almost new story is very interesting. Great job on your portfolio so far I look forward to reading more.
ReplyDeleteHey Jessie,
ReplyDeleteYour project seems to be coming together nicely. It is easy to navigate and easy to follow. It kept me engaged and made me want to keep reading. Great job on that!
Your stories are very good as well. I like the difference you have in each of your stories. It gives your project a variety. Many options for the reader to have. I did see a few grammatical errors, but that can be fixed by simply re reading each story. Overall the stories are great and unique!
The only thing that I would suggest is to maybe take out some of the extra space that is in some of your stories. I think it would make it easier to read. Also, I think it may help to add some color to your stories like a background or something.
Your project looks good overall and I am looking forward to seeing the finished product!
Hey Jessie,
ReplyDeleteYour project is really coming along. I enjoy your layout, as well as the pictures you include within. They rally help to engage and advance the stories. You have provided a great variety of story types within your project making it more o fa joy to read. One of my favorite parts of your stories was the great dialogue between the characters. Their conversations flowed very nicely, and felt as if it were transcribed directly from a real conversation.
Haha well that crab story was pretty metal! Death by CLAW it shall be. This reminds me of the Stinky Cheese Man, when the fox gives the SCM a ride through the river but halfway through his plot to eat him the smell gets too bad and the SCM falls apart in the water. Ahem. Spoiler alert.
ReplyDeleteI like how your version of Sita and Rama’s love at first sight story feels very King Arthur now. I loved that part of the Ramayana, as cliché as it is it was just so darn romantic. <3
Overall your stories are well written and enjoyable, similar to the source material but refreshed for a new audience. I think if someone hadn’t read the originals they wouldn’t be lost at all.
Side Note: I am super nearsighted so this could just be a me thing, but the font seemed really small. I ended up having to zoom in quite a bit.
Hello again Jessie! I really like the way you have written your additional stories, when I first visited you just had the crab story. Your retelling of Rama and Sita falling in love was really well done. I liked that you shifted the setting to be more of a castles and medieval setting. It made the whole story feel more like a Disney movie which is pretty fitting. I thought your writing was excellent, and there is a pleasant amount of both imagery and dialogue to go along with the story. It can be hard to balance those two, but if you do it right like you have, you can make some really excellent stories to read. The only thing I can think to change is the text on your stories is a little small, and it would make reading the stories easier if the font was just a bit larger.
ReplyDeleteHi Jessie! I really like the choices you've made in designing your site. The font is nice, and the way it's spaced out makes it very easy to read.
ReplyDeleteAdding more description and dialogue to the original piece in "The Sandy Road" made it much more relatable. Reading the character's own words instead of just an narrator's rehashing of the events made them feel more real and connected to me. I know you mention that Sam always "carried the perfect amount of food supplies," but I wonder if the other people in the caravan might have had some misgivings about dumping their supplies. If they did that could be an opportunity to add more dialogue to get to know more characters.
In "How the Crab Won" I like that you added a relationship between the crab and the fish. That makes it even sadder that the crab left all alone after losing all the fish friends she cared for in her old home.
Hey Jessie!
ReplyDeleteI really like how laid back your first story is. It's an easy read and entertaining! The only suggestion I have on it is to expand your author's note to include what happened in the original story. Were they animals and you changed them to humans? I was a bit confused because the stories I've read from the Tales are usually animals. I love the second story! I usually read this story where the crab is a male, so it was nice to have a change in your story. I felt so sorry for the crab when all her friends were gone. I think it was a great touch to add at the beginning of the story what kind of activities they all did together, because it really contrasted and made it more emotional. Your third story has fantastic dialogue and descriptions! I could really visualize the scene and the characters. You had a lot of alliteration (decadently designed, danced until daybreak) and I loved it! Overall, great stories. I hope you have a good rest of the semester!
Hey, Jessie, I really like the layout and design of your website. It's super easy to navigate and the pictures compliment the stories perfectly. I really liked that you added dialogue to the stories and worked on giving each character more of a personality. It works really well and helps the reader connect with your characters. I especially like some of the changes you made to your stories that differ from the source material like the crab being a female and making the setting of "Sita's Story" almost fairytale-like. The only real revision suggestions I have would be to possibly expand your stories, especially "The Sandy Road," as they are a little on the short side. Aside from that, the stories are well written and entertaining to read. The other suggestion I have would be to add a little bit more about the source stories to your author's note. Maybe try adding a little bit more summary of the source stories. Anyway, well done!
ReplyDeleteHey there, Jessie!
ReplyDeleteThis is my first time checking out your portfolio page. It was nice to have the opportunity to look at something new this week. My first impressions with the website were good. The website is very clean and it is not difficult to navigate. I decided to focus my comments on your latest story because this is probably the only one you are editing. I immediately recognized the story that you had based yours upon. I wrote about this as well during one of my storytelling assignments. I thought you did a great job capturing the important moments and placing emphasis on using descriptive details. I also thought you did a great job adding in your own personal voice and touch to the story. The only thing that I noticed was that the background image did not appear on your last two stories. Other than that, I would not make any changes. Keep up the good work.
Hello Jessie. I really like what you have done with your project. One of the first things I noticed was how much I liked your writing style. It flowed really well and seemed really playful. My favorite story was "How the crab won". I have read a lot of different version of this story and they are all really unique. I would have liked to see you make it more of your own. You did a really good job at adding dialogue and character to the animals. It would be even better if you expanded more with the fish. Seeing them leave and interact from the crabs perspective would be a great touch. Despite this I do appreciate how short and to the point that your stories are. It would also be neat to see more pictures. Overall great work and I am looking forward to seeing the final product.
ReplyDeleteHey Jessie! Great job with your portfolio, it looks awesome! The third story was particularly fun to read. I love how you switched perspectives so that it was a little more exciting and we could hear where both of the characters were coming from.
ReplyDeleteI love the way you added dialogue for your first story. With the sassy comments, I definitely get what you're trying to do with this story. I think to really achieve the lightness of tone and make this funny, I think it would be cool to add in some background and detailed relationships between the characters. Maybe one owes the other 10 bucks and brings it up every other minute even though they're about to die of hunger. Just more character details could really bring this story to the next level!
This is a small critique, but the last paragraph of your third story, you may want to avoid starting the last two sentences with "And". One can start with that, you just may want to vary it, especially since that's the last thing your audience reads! But great work overall!
Hey Jessie, and good job on your portfolio! I like that your layout is very clean and uniform. One thing I might suggest, however, is that you add some more individualized headings for each story. For instance, if you had a specific header for the the royal wedding story and another for the crabs story. I think you did a great job retelling your stories. I especially liked the way you used dialogue throughout the stories. I think this gives the reader a very clear connection to the characters and gives the characters a specific personality. Also, I really like the descriptive language you used for "Sita's Story." I think it gave a really great beginning and ending to the story. The vivid language you used also set a good tone for the rest of the story and I was really immersed by this. Great job on the portfolio and good luck with the rest of your semester!
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