This Story has since been updated on my website!
"Hey, Sam! Is this a good stopping point?" shouted Lewis from the back of the caravan.
The desert that the Sam's caravan was traversing was comprised of sand that burned like coals during the day. It was impossible for anyone to walk on it without obtaining 3rd degree burns and blisters. For this reason, they were forced to travel at night when the sand cooled.
"Let's go another half mile." replied Sam.
Lewis rolled his eyes. Sam was such a hard worker and overachiever. He was always determined to go a little further than he thought he could, and in this situation, that meant that the entire group had to push further too.
Sam was a merchant. His caravan was filled to the brim with different oils and fabrics to be delivered to the country on the opposite side of the desert. Along with this, he carried the perfect amount of food supplies for the journey. Rice, water and firewood were stored in a wagon that he pulled with oxen.
As the sun peeked its morning rays over the horizon, pink and purple hues painted the skies hanging above the vast expanse of white sand dunes. The caravan slowly came to a halt in response. The group began to unpack an awning that was to stretch across the group of people and animals in order to protect them from the sun while they rested. One by one, the stakes were driven into the sand and attached to the tarp to hang above them. Beneath, they all cooked rice and awaited nightfall.
The following day, they went about their typical routine of packing up for the continued journey. Only, this time, it would be the final leg of their travels. Sam decided that they were close enough to throw out the water and firewood to make the wagon a little lighter. A grave mistake.
"Oh no!!" shouted the pilot, who has been guiding the group across the desert. "I fell asleep and we have gone in a complete circle!"
"You have got to be kidding me. We have no water and no wood. What do you expect me to do??" exclaimed Sam.
Unwilling to sit idly, Sam went in search of water...in a desert...a nearly impossible feat.
He walked the perimeter of the camp and with each revolution, he broadened the area of the search. Eventually, he came across a tuft of grass. He took his spade and his hammer and began to dig tirelessly. He dug through layers and layers of sand and even broke through rock underneath!!
"Yes!! There is water under this rock!!" Sam shuttled water back to the men and oxen and they ate and drank to prepare for the REAL last day of traveling. This time, the pilot would not fall asleep.
Authors Note:
Generally, I just expanded on the base story. I addd names and dialogue in order to make the story more personable. I made an effort to help the reader visualize the story as well. I hope you enjoyed my story!
"Hey, Sam! Is this a good stopping point?" shouted Lewis from the back of the caravan.
The desert that the Sam's caravan was traversing was comprised of sand that burned like coals during the day. It was impossible for anyone to walk on it without obtaining 3rd degree burns and blisters. For this reason, they were forced to travel at night when the sand cooled.
"Let's go another half mile." replied Sam.
Lewis rolled his eyes. Sam was such a hard worker and overachiever. He was always determined to go a little further than he thought he could, and in this situation, that meant that the entire group had to push further too.
Sam was a merchant. His caravan was filled to the brim with different oils and fabrics to be delivered to the country on the opposite side of the desert. Along with this, he carried the perfect amount of food supplies for the journey. Rice, water and firewood were stored in a wagon that he pulled with oxen.
As the sun peeked its morning rays over the horizon, pink and purple hues painted the skies hanging above the vast expanse of white sand dunes. The caravan slowly came to a halt in response. The group began to unpack an awning that was to stretch across the group of people and animals in order to protect them from the sun while they rested. One by one, the stakes were driven into the sand and attached to the tarp to hang above them. Beneath, they all cooked rice and awaited nightfall.
The following day, they went about their typical routine of packing up for the continued journey. Only, this time, it would be the final leg of their travels. Sam decided that they were close enough to throw out the water and firewood to make the wagon a little lighter. A grave mistake.
"Oh no!!" shouted the pilot, who has been guiding the group across the desert. "I fell asleep and we have gone in a complete circle!"
"You have got to be kidding me. We have no water and no wood. What do you expect me to do??" exclaimed Sam.
Unwilling to sit idly, Sam went in search of water...in a desert...a nearly impossible feat.
He walked the perimeter of the camp and with each revolution, he broadened the area of the search. Eventually, he came across a tuft of grass. He took his spade and his hammer and began to dig tirelessly. He dug through layers and layers of sand and even broke through rock underneath!!
"Yes!! There is water under this rock!!" Sam shuttled water back to the men and oxen and they ate and drank to prepare for the REAL last day of traveling. This time, the pilot would not fall asleep.
Authors Note:
Generally, I just expanded on the base story. I addd names and dialogue in order to make the story more personable. I made an effort to help the reader visualize the story as well. I hope you enjoyed my story!
(Underground Water Source. Taken from pxhere)
Hi Jessie! I really like the way you turned the original story into a more modern version. Overall, the flow of your story makes it a super easy read. Something that I noticed after reading your story is that you didn't include a bibliography at the end. And in your author's note I think it would be really beneficial if you describe the original story just a little bit to refresh the memories of everyone reading. I look forward to reading more from you in the future!
ReplyDeleteHi there Jessie!
ReplyDeleteI did not read the original story, but I love yours! You did a great job at catching your readers attention throughout the whole story. The short paragraphs also make your story flow very well. I think adding a little more about the original story in your author's note will help people like myself that did not read the original story. It's also fun to see what you changed from the original! Overall, your story was amazing! Thank you for sharing!
Hi Jessie! This was a fun read, and I enjoyed the descriptions of the desert and the caravan. I also thought that emphasizing tossing the water before they reached their goal was a great hidden message to not count your chickens before they hatched. The dialogue flowed well, and the only thing I would ask is for a bit more information on the original story, because i don't remember reading this one. Good job!
ReplyDelete